How I survived the Ashram...

DONE AND DONE! I SURVIVED THE ASHRAM!!!
When I first considered what I was going to write about my last three weeks, I considered taking a slightly romanticized approach that would be inspiring and would motivate people to want to jump on their mats to twist and bend as soon as possible. But then I thought... where's the fun in that??? I'm sure that you can only imagine how being surrounded by the same 30 people for a month, eating the same food and attending endless lectures given 'mostly' by people who claimed to be speaking English but of which I still remain highly doubtful can do to a person. In short... it was fu*%ing HARD! After one week of formalities and manners and smiles and hugs, people's armour slowly chiseled away to reveal, god forbid, the real human beings that lay underneath, allowing their true colors to finally shine through them. The greatest example of this came in the fruit bowls, (and no I'm not speaking of my fellow homo yogis), but of bowls of fruit set in the centre of tables at breakfast that in the first week seemed to be equally shared by all, even going so far as to see people sacrificing their one banana to another unfortunate soul who didn't get there in time, to the second week when people starting hoarding it like it just might be the last fruit they ever ate. God forbid someone should show up for breakfast late and find empty bowls on the table but plates full of pits and cores and peels. It got so bad we had to be spoken to about it more than once, until eventually fruit distribution became monitored by some of the Ashram vollunteers making it feel slightly like we were children at summer camp and not grown adults in an Ashram learning to be peaceful and compassionate yogis. Slowly you would find that people's conversations drifted from the typical friendly getting to know you vibe, to bitching about fellow classmates, complaining of everything from people sounding too pretentious in class, to farting all night in their rooms (okay maybe that was my complaint on one of my not so yogic days.) Add to this that more than half the students became sick with intense vomiting and diarreah resulting in the Ashram chlorinating our water to the point that it felt like we were drinking from a swimming pool, sporadic power and plumbing failure (oh how the diarreah victims loved that one!) and FIVE, yes FIVE king cobras being caught IN and around the ashram, and you've got one of the biggest yogic challenges i've ever endured. It got to be so much that a group of us even checked into a beautiful 5 star hotel (which we cleverly penned, 'Taj Yoga', named after the incredible Taj Mahal hotel in Nashik) on our day off to lie by the pool, eat real western food, and recharge ourselves before going back for another two weeks. I seem to vaguely recall having my fingers pried away from the beautiful hotel beds that I didn't even get to sleep in whilst screaming, 'FUCK YOGA!! NO MORE YOGA!! YOU CAN'T TAKE ME BACK THERE!!!! I'LL NEVER GO BACK!!! (okay maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration but I thought I would take a break from my typical modestly and throw a little bit of drama in.. you know... just to try somthing new :)
But in the end, like any challenge we are faced with, I came through it and away from it a bigger and better human being than I went in there as. I quickly realized the futility of bitching and complaining and dare I say, 'whining', and slowly surrendered to the flow of a world my spoiled western mind isn't used to. And once that happened, and my ego had nowhere else to run, I found a presense in my body and mind that brought with it a joy and gratefulness for all that I have, and led me far far away from the fixation I had on all that I don't. And isn't this one of the greatest gifts that yoga can bring? Staying within the confines of my mat, the confines of this day, of this moment, of this breath. Bending and stretching so that I can stay young and flexible not only in my body, but in my spirit and my mind. I will never forget some of the beautiful people who helped me through some of my most trying moments as I continue to grieve the loss of my brother while being so far away from my family, the yoga classes that have given me a lifeline that I can follow as I try to navigate through this crazy and chaotic life, and for the spirituality that lies within all of us, waiting to be discovered so we can all safely find our way back home. More than anything I'm now certified to come home and share this beautiful gift with as many people as I can, doing my part to slowly change our world and make it a better place.
Now I'm in Goa staying in a little beach hut in a hippy village that runs along the coast of miles and miles of beautiful beach with endless water stretching out before me where I will settle for a couple weeks and try to get some writing done before continuing on this wonderful and challenging journey through India and through the rest of my beautiful little life.

Hari Om.
I miss you all like crazy,

Matthew

Hari Om :)

Well my first week at the Asram is finally over and I have to say that I'm thrilled to have a day off. My schedule here is pretty intense and I'd be lying if I said I haven't cried or thought about running for the hills at least a couple times (and when I say hills I really mean massive rock formations that shoot into the sky in some of the most unique and beautiful shapes I've ever seen along the horizon) BUT... I'm still here. And I think I'm finally starting to get into the groove of things (god PLEASE tell me that I'm finally starting to get into the groove of things!) We're woken up every morning at 5am to the sound of a loud GONG that rings throughout the darkness and shakes us all from our sleep on small beds in a small room that sleeps four. Tea, half an hour of chanting, 2 hours of yoga, and an hour of volunteer work (karma yoga) all before 9am. Then breakfast, a 2 hour lecture, and a couple hours "study" time before another lecture and 2 more hours of yoga. Then more chanting to promote health for ourselves, our friends and family, dinner, another short lecture and bed. And thennnn.... GONG! Here we go again.
I struggled through the first couple of days, wondering if I made the right choice in leaving behind all the comfort that I know back home to come to this strange place all by myself and whether I really have what it takes to go home and teach yoga. But slowly, the more I learn, the more I start to remember why I love this ancient science so much and why it is I decided I wanted to help spread it to more people in the first place. The yoga over here is so different from anything we have in the west, and I really want to work to help people see why doing it in the traditional Indian style is really what it's all about. I can't wait to do my part to change the world one asana at a time, helping people to dive inside and discover all the bliss and happiness they can find inside of themselves. I've met some incredible people here who have made dealing with the loneliness and fears and challenges so much easier for me, including a wonderful British Psychologist (who refuses to give me a session!! lol) named Deborah, a beautiful mother from BC, and a gay dancer from Toronto. (yes there actually about 5 Canadians here doing the teacher's training!) We've all laughed together, sweat together, and cried together and I know by the end of the month it's going to be hard to leave them all behind, but I know like everything else, that our world is impermanent and our greatest lesson is to learn to gracefully leave behind what we know and set out on new and exciting adventures. Part of me is scared that tomorrow another week will start and will be even more challenging than the last, but after one week of intense self reflection, meditation and yoga I feel more grounded and ready than ever to take on whatever this crazy country can throw at me. I miss you all like crazy and can't wait to share all that I've learned over here so we can all live better, healthier lives for as long as this world will have us for.
Until next week... Namaste... Hari Om... Peace, Love and Light.

Matthew

The beginning...

After a quick but wonderful 24 layover in London, where I dragged my tired ass to the theater to see one of the greatest musicals ever,'Les Miserables', (how's that for a hardcore theater junkie!!) I boarded a plane headed for crazy Mumbai. At first I thought I was supposed to arrive at noon on New Years Eve, but after re-checking my ticket, I discovered I was actually going to be landing at midnight. Alone. In India. Terrifying. But, determined to face my fears head on, I grabbed my bag from off the belt, took a deep breath, and hopped into a taxi headed for the main tourist hub of the city, Colaba. It was dark outside so it was hard to see much of anything going on around me, and by the time we pulled onto the nearly deserted street it was almost 3am, and I was more than a little afraid to say the least. I quickly ran into the first guesthouse I saw, got a room, and dropped into bed with a proud smile and a congratulatory sigh at having made it through the first, and hopefully scariest part of my journey. (yeah right) I have arrived :-)
I could only sleep for four hours that first night as I was obviously way too excited to explore this city that I've spent so much time reading and dreaming about for the last few years of my life. I asked the guest house owner to tell me where I could get some good breakfast and he pointed me to the world famous 'Leopold's Cafe' which just happened to be right next door to my hostel. Now for any of you unfortunate people who haven't read the incredible novel, 'Shantaram', you won't understand the significance of this, but the cafe is written about throughout the entire book so it seemed like fate that I just happened to be staying next door. After all, 'Shantaram' was the one and only reason I decided I wanted to come to Mumbai in the first place. So if you haven't read it, get on it so you can share in the sheer excitement that I felt to go and order breakfast from the notorious cafe. Now because I was up so early, the street was nearly empty still and I was wondering just where all the crazy things I had heard about Colaba would take place, but by 2 in the afternoon it became apparent that I was staying directly in the center of it all. Thousands of people crowd the streets from afternoon until night as shops and stands open their doors and do anything they can to make a sale; hounding you, grabbing you, and screaming for you as you push your way through the crowd. My favorite is what is called a 'balloon-walla', a man who sells bigger balloons then you've ever seen before. Every time they ask if I want one (About 30 times a day) I have to laugh as I ask again and again, 'what would I want with a giant balloon?!?!) I've spent the last few days exploring the city, taking cab rides through the crazy and intense streets to see everything Mumbai has to offer. And trust me when I say crazy... as it doesn't seem like there is any order to the chaos that ensues when riding in a car here... swerving in and out of lanes, running red lights and piercingly loud horns blaring in your ears constantly. It's an interesting if not terrifying experience to say the least.
Yesterday I decided to escape the city and take a ferry over to 'Elephant Island', where ancient Hindu caves with massive carvings of Shiva and other gods burst from the walls. I met a French couple on the island who I ended up spending the day with, and it was nice to be away from all the loud bustle of the city and out in peaceful nature for a while. That being said, when our ferry brought us back to the crowded harbor, I knew that I was ready to leave the city. The thousands upon thousands of people that became bigger and bigger in my eyes as we got closer to land made my breath catch in my throat and my heart start to race. Yes... it is time to leave. And in just about perfect timing too! Today I will get on a bus headed on a two hour drive to Nasik, where I will spend the next month living and breathing yoga yoga and more yoga in a secluded ashram in the countryside. I can't wait :-) And if there happened to be any part of me that wasn't sure I was ready to move on from this place, seeing a young boy fall to the ground screaming in pain as his foot was run over by a taxi only an hour ago helped cure me of any of those doubts. It was horrible. It is time.
But before I go to catch my bus, I have just one more thing to say. Although I had my doubts about coming on this trip alone, I soon discovered that I'm not really alone here at all and I haven't had more than a single moment of loneliness. At first I wondered why it was I felt like this until I reached around my neck and felt my brothers ring that hangs on a chain there. In that instant, I knew almost more than I've known anything before in my life, that my brother Jesse is here with me, protecting me and guiding me along this journey so that he can bring me back safe to my family. It is truly one of the most bizarre feelings I've ever had, but I swear I can feel him beside me at all times, and any time I think of him all the hairs on my entire body stand up and chills run down my whole spine. It's crazy to think, but in some ways I've felt closer to him on this trip so far than I did in our life together. I feel that he is happy. I feel that he is peaceful. And I feel that he is thrilled that we get to go on this trip together. I love you brother :-)
I hope you are all doing well and trying your best not to miss me TOO much, haha.
Peace and Love...
Namaste...

Matthew

A Single Man (and no this is not my bio!)

I know this movie came out in theaters a while ago, but I recently had to write a review as a writing sample for a job I applied for (and got!) so I thought I would post it so that all you people who haven't heard (god forbid!) or seen it could have a chance to find out what it's all about :-) Enjoy!

A SINGLE MAN

My favorite movies are those that leave you with just enough, but always wanting more. Movies full of mystery and atmosphere that can leave you haunted for days, pondering over so many great moments and questions left unanswered. This is exactly what I felt as the end credits began to roll in fashion designer turned filmmaker Tom Ford's directorial debut, 'A Single Man'. Ford's film is an invasion on all the senses, marrying a brilliant score by Abel Korzeniowski with a world of vibrant color and light to create an emotional and moody character piece that truly was one of the most beautiful films i've seen in a long time.

Based on the novel of the same name, 'A Single Man' is about a day in the life of George Falconer; a gay University professor living in Los Angeles just a month after the Cuban Missile Crisis, and eight months after the tragic death of his longtime boyfriend, Jim. As the details of George's life start to unfold, we soon discover that this isn't just any day for our heart broken, and might I add, ridiculously sexy college professor, but it happens to be the day that George has decided to take his own life. I know, I know, if you're anything like my dad and don't see the point of sitting through something dark and depressing when you could just reflect on your own heart aches or read your local newspaper, then this movie most definitely isn't for you. But if you happen to be like me, much to the dismay of my father I might add, and you relish in experiencing the immense suffering that goes on in the world from the comfort of your own living room, then by all means, go and see this movie. And maybe even give me a call and we can go rent some sad flicks and cry on each other's shoulders before falling asleep cradling each other. Anyway.

I have to say that when I found out Tom Ford was entering the film business, I knew that we could expect something deliciously stylized that would be a feast for the eyes. What I didn't know, was that we could expect it to be so meaningful and well executed. George's journey through his day becomes a beautiful meditation on life and death, and through Ford's lens, we get the chance to come so close to the tragic character that we can almost smell the world in which he lives and breathes. Using the same production designers as the equally sleek 1960's era hit TV show Mad Men, Ford give us small glimpses into the lives of George's friends, students and coworkers, painting a beautiful and sad picture of an era on the brink of destruction and revolution, drowning in it's own repression and fear.

What really works in Fords film though, is that unlike other highly stylized films in the same category, his audacious camerawork and edgy style never seems to distract or overshadow the very thing that makes the movie work so well; it's performances. Now my sister has always been a huge fan of Colin Firth and found him to be heart-stoppingly sexy, but i've never really seen it until this movie. It's not that i've ever not liked him, but i've always found him to play the same character in all his films, (I'm sorry, dear sister!) but after seeing this I'm going to seriously rethink my position on the matter. Maybe now I'll even actually enjoy Mama Mia... yeah right. Colin brings a subtlety and realism to his character that only the best actors working today can pull off.

And speaking of subtlety, Julianne Moore and her massive head of hair fill the screen with their usual larger than life bravado that I can never and I mean NEVER get enough of as George's equally tragic best friend, Charlie. I feel like Julianne is at her best when she's playing freaky cracked out characters, and let me tell you, this is one crazy bitch and Julianne, as always, steps right up the plate. Unfortunately I find that a lot of times I enjoy Julianne more than I enjoy watching her movies. Ahem... Blindness. Ahem... The Forgotten. But luckily this is not one of those movies. Luckily this time around, having Julianne along for the ride is just a cherry on top of an already exquisite cake. I will say however, that her performance did mess with me though as I kept going between wanting to be her and feeling like she strangely resembled my Mother. Hmmmm. I think maybe that's a whole other can of worms and an entirely different article so we'll just leave it at that.

Of all the things I loved about this movie what I liked the most was the fact that because Tom Ford was a first time director, he had to finance the entire movie himself. Now I would hope that for one of the most influential fashion designers of the 90's, fronting 7 million dollars for your passion project wouldn't be too much of a dent at the bank. But I do seriously appreciate when someone cares about something so much that they're willing to put something on the line for it. And I especially like when said project ends up paying off. Well done, Tom Ford! Congratulations on a beautiful poem of a movie. I look forward to seeing what you come up with next; be it in a beautiful new suit that I wish I could afford or another wonderful experience at the theatre.

View the trailer here... http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/weinstein/asingleman/

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Have you started meditating yet??

Experiment shows brief meditative exercise helps cognition

Some of us need regular amounts of coffee or other chemical enhancers to make us cognitively sharper. A newly published study suggests perhaps a brief bit of meditation would prepare us just as well.

While past research using neuroimaging technology has shown that meditation techniques can promote significant changes in brain areas associated with concentration, it has always been assumed that extensive training was required to achieve this effect. Though many people would like to boost their cognitive abilities, the monk-like discipline required seems like a daunting time commitment and financial cost for this benefit.

Surprisingly, the benefits may be achievable even without all the work. Though it sounds almost like an advertisement for a “miracle” weight-loss product, new research now suggests that the mind may be easier to cognitively train than we previously believed. Psychologists studying the effects of a meditation technique known as “mindfulness ” found that meditation-trained participants showed a significant improvement in their critical cognitive skills (and performed significantly higher in cognitive tests than a control group) after only four days of training for only 20 minutes each day.

“In the behavioral test results, what we are seeing is something that is somewhat comparable to results that have been documented after far more extensive training,” said Fadel Zeidan, a post-doctoral researcher at Wake Forest University School of Medicine, and a former doctoral student at the University of North Carolina at Charlotte, where the research was conducted.

“Simply stated, the profound improvements that we found after just 4 days of meditation training– are really surprising,” Zeidan noted. “It goes to show that the mind is, in fact, easily changeable and highly influenced, especially by meditation.”

The study appears in the April 2 issue of Consciousness and Cognition. Zeidan’s co-authors are Susan K. Johnson, Zhanna David and Paula Goolkasian from the Department of Psychology at UNC Charlotte, and Bruce J. Diamond from William Patterson University. The research was also part of Zeidan’s doctoral dissertation. The research will also be presented at the Cognitive Neuroscience Society’s annual meeting in Montreal, April 17-20.

The experiment involved 63 student volunteers, 49 of whom completed the experiment. Participants were randomly assigned in approximately equivalent numbers to one of two groups, one of which received the meditation training while the other group listened for equivalent periods of time to a book (J.R.R. Tolkein’s The Hobbit) being read aloud.

Prior to and following the meditation and reading sessions, the participants were subjected to a broad battery of behavioral tests assessing mood, memory, visual attention, attention processing, and vigilance.

Both groups performed equally on all measures at the beginning of the experiment. Both groups also improved following the meditation and reading experiences in measures of mood, but only the group that received the meditation training improved significantly in the cognitive measures. The meditation group scored consistently higher averages than the reading/listening group on all the cognitive tests and as much as ten times better on one challenging test that involved sustaining the ability to focus, while holding other information in mind.

“The meditation group did especially better on all the cognitive tests that were timed,” Zeidan noted. “In tasks where participants had to process information under time constraints causing stress, the group briefly trained in mindfulness performed significantly better.”

Particularly of note were the differing results on a “computer adaptive n-back task,” where participants would have to correctly remember if a stimulus had been shown two steps earlier in a sequence. If the participant got the answer right, the computer would react by increasing the speed of the subsequent stimulus, further increasing the difficulty of the task. The meditation-trained group averaged aproximately10 consecutive correct answers, while the listening group averaged approximately one.

“Findings like these suggest that meditation’s benefits may not require extensive training to be realized, and that meditation’s first benefits may be associated with increasing the ability to sustain attention,” Zeidan said.

“Further study is warranted,” he stressed, noting that brain imaging studies would be helpful in confirming the brain changes that the behavioral tests seem to indicate, “but this seems to be strong evidence for the idea that we may be able to modify our own minds to improve our cognitive processing – most importantly in the ability to sustain attention and vigilance – within a week’s time.”

The meditation training involved in the study was an abbreviated “mindfulness” training regime modeled on basic “Shamatha skills” from a Buddhist meditation tradition, conducted by a trained facilitator. As described in the paper, “participants were instructed to relax, with their eyes closed, and to simply focus on the flow of their breath occurring at the tip of their nose. If a random thought arose, they were told to passively notice and acknowledge the thought and to simply let ‘it’ go, by bringing the attention back to the sensations of the breath.” Subsequent training built on this basic model, teaching physical awareness, focus, and mindfulness with regard to distraction.

Zeidan likens the brief training the participants received to a kind of mental calisthenics that prepared their minds for cognitive activity.

“The simple process of focusing on the breath in a relaxed manner, in a way that teaches you to regulate your emotions by raising one’s awareness of mental processes as they’re happening is like working out a bicep, but you are doing it to your brain. Mindfulness meditation teaches you to release sensory events that would easily distract, whether it is your own thoughts or an external noise, in an emotion-regulating fashion. This can lead to better, more efficient performance on the intended task.”

“This kind of training seems to prepare the mind for activity, but it’s not necessarily permanent,” Zeidan cautions. “This doesn’t mean that you meditate for four days and you’re done – you need to keep practicing.”

The paper, “Mindfulness Meditation Improves Cognition: Evidence of Brief Mental Training” is available on Pubmed at:http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20363650.

Unlocking the inner artist...

I woke up this morning and started out my day with half an hour of meditation. Clear my head and make way for fresh ideas and new thoughts. I came out, made myself a cup of tea and some breakfast and sat down to my computer to do some writing. Like I said before, in order for me to be able to write anything new, I need to read everything that came before in order to put me in a place where I feel comfortable continuing. This usually consists of me reading half aloud and half in my head whilst contorting my face into weird facial expressions as I try to put myself into the scene and the character's heads as much as possible. (as i've learned from past experiences and several friends this is something best practiced while in the comfort of my OWN company) My eyes dart around the room as new ideas come in and I start to feel the rush of inspiration coming through me, ready to pour out of me and onto the page. I finish reading and I start to write and write and write until suddenly, almost always, something happens. That whiny, judgemental prissy little good for nothing voice pops in and starts spouting off about everything that is wrong with my writing. "What is the point of this?" "Why would ANYONE want to see this, let alone PAY to see this?" "Do you really think you're going to be able to bring this thing to a full circle and leave your audience satisfied with the fact that you've made them endure the last 60-90 minutes of this?" I start using my backspace button. I start rewriting. The flow gets interrupted and suddenly I find myself at a loss for words, questioning everything that I'm doing and more so my motives for doing it. Looks like this isn't going to be as easy as I thought. So what is this voice and where does it come from? Does it serve us in any way or is it merely stopping us from being able to enjoy our own creative nature? If you are like me, and because of the fact that for the most part you are all human so I'm sure that you probably are, then you too suffer from a ridiculous set of standards that you set for yourself and your imagination. Isn't creativity supposed to be a fun and exciting exploration of our own minds? Yet no matter what, it seems like most of us are never happy with our own creative endeavors. How many times have you complimented a friends work to have them completely down play it and almost get embarrassed by it? How sad that we don't nurture our creativity but instead hide it away and act like it's something to be ashamed of. There is an in incredible book called 'The Artist's Way', by Julia Cameron and if you are like me and everybody that I know and have a hard time opening up the space required in order to let your creativity flow naturally at all times, then I highly suggest you read it. The book is a 12 week program that is all about unlocking our inner artists that yes, believe it or not, we all have living inside of us. There's a ton of amazing reading and some really interesting assignments to do but one of the most beneficial parts of it is something called, 'Morning Pages'. Julia talks all about our inner critic and is set on finding away to get us away from it as much as possible and one of the ways she does this is by asking you to spend half an hour each morning writing three full length, loose leaf pages of complete verbal diarrhea. Don't question what to write, just write. Even if all you can think of is to write over and over that you can't think of anything to write, you're still going to notice the benefits because it is taking you out of the part of your brain that tries to question what you're writing and just gets you writing. I'll be honest here and say that I've attempted to get through the full 12 week program a few times now and have never made it past week five simply due to my own stupid laziness but even when I wasn't following the program completely, i've gone for months at a time writing my morning pages and it's one of the greatest exercises I've done for myself. So maybe it's time for me to start it over again. Maybe it's time for me to remember why we are creative in the first place and stop being SO critical of everything I do. Maybe it's time to... oh my god dare I say it... have a little bit of fun? And maybe if I can do it, then so can you. Next time you decide to pick up a paint brush or a pen and you start to hear that voice come into your head (and I can only hope for your sake that it sounds NOTHING like the voice in mine!) that you can finally start to recognize it for what it is and know that it isn't really you talking, but is really just a set of limiting beliefs that are cutting you off from enjoying your creativity. Go out and buy Julia Cameron's book. Meditate. Write. Sing. Find a way to disentangle yourself from the voice in your head and go out and have fun with your creativity, because in the end, isn't that what it's all about?

Meditation and Creativity

"Ideas are like fish. If you want to catch little fish, you stay in the shallow water. But if you want to catch the big fish, you've got to go deeper. Down deep, the fish are more powerful and more pure. They're huge and abstract. And they're very beautiful. Everything, anything that is a thing, comes up from the deepest level. Modern physics calls that level the Unified Field. The more your consciousness - your awareness - is expanded, the deeper you go toward this source, and the bigger the fish you can catch'. - David Lynch, Catching the Big Fish.

The Dalai Llama says that if we taught one generation of children to meditate, it would end all war and there would be world peace. How crazy a statement is that? Yet regardless of how much evidence arises, both scientifically and metaphysically, to prove the vast and unbelievable benefits that meditation creates, so few people actually take the small amount of time every day to do it. Why is that? I think it's in large part due to all the misconceptions that surround it that make people feel like they just aren't someone who can do it or that they're doing something wrong when they try.

For example, I became very fascinated and excited about meditation and all the implied possibilities it contained for a long time before I even took the time to experience it for my self. It's intimidating, it seems boring, and just so out of the ordinary from how we're used to doing everything. You want me to what?! Sit STILL? And I can't even play with myself? Oh no, I definitely can't do that. Finally I had to pay an Indian man $30 (which is a LOT when you're in India!) to sit with me in a very hot room and watch me sit still for three hours a day for three days. I thought he was finally going to unlock the key to meditating for me and all he said was to watch my breath, silently say Aum at the end of each exhale and come back to it every time I get distracted. That's it? That's all I get for god knows how many Rupees and not to mention all the hope and faith I had that finally I was going to learn this beautiful and ancient art? I guess not. But then I had no choice. So I sat. And I suffered. And I SUFFERED. And when I came out of it and discussed my experiences with the wise yogi he didn't seem surprised. He didn't seem concerned that there was no silence to speak of, that I kept falling asleep, or that the voice in my head started to sound more and more like a whiny, spoiled, teenage girl the longer I went without obeying it. And when I came back the next day it was the same thing. And it was the same the day after that.

Meditation is really just focussing your attention on something other than your thoughts so that you come to realize that you are the attention and not the thoughts. And when you realize that you are the attention and you start to spend more time with it, it will slowly and steadily start to grow and grow and grow until you finally have full control over your thoughts and emotions. Thoughts will never stop going through your head and trying to hook your attention and take you away on a tangent about Ryan Kwanten's RIDICULOUS body, or how much you HATE Miley Cyrus, but the more you break away from your steady stream of thinking and come back to focussing on something else, allowing the thoughts to just float on by, the more space will open up, and the more self aware and in control you will become.

I have been meditating for the last three years on a surprisingly steady basis and I can tell you that for the most part the experience hasn't changed a ton. While the spaces between are definitely longer, I still get a constant stream of thoughts through my head and I still get restless. But that's okay. The most important thing I know is that meditation isn't about stopping my thoughts! It's being able to seperate my self from those thoughts that really counts. Some days are better than others and I feel myself settling into some vast and peaceful place that I recognize as the real me and when that happens I enjoy the experience and let it float by like everything else. But regardless of what the practice looks like, I can tell you that the benefits i've felt make all the frustration and confusion totally worth it.

I think the best way to learn is to start reading about all different forms of meditation. There are literally thousands of ways to meditate and any and all will completely transform your life. Watch 'What the Bleep do we Know" and read "The Power of Now". Learn more about the scientific side and then learn more about the spiritual side. The more information you get about it, the more your consciousness can start to make small shifts in awareness about it and the more comfortable you will become with actually doing it. Go to a class, or buy a cd, but whatever you do, find a way to bring meditation into your life. Without it we have no control over our thoughts and are left to the mercy of our minds which are are simply "drunken, drugged, and devil-possessed monkeys" in the words of many yogis. Just look at the world created by unconscious thought? Even sitting for 10 minutes a day with your eyes closed and focussing on different parts of your body and filling them with love will COMPLETELY transform you. And will probably make the people around you happier too! Trust me.

Before I write I sit in stillness for a few minutes to connect with my true self. Or if this works better for you, I come back to seeing my self as the attention and not the thoughts. This brings me back to the place where all thoughts come from. Where creation comes from. This is where my art comes from. This is where I come from. Meditate. Find stillness and let the universe fill you. Explore yourself and all you have to offer.

Namaste :-)