How I survived the Ashram...

DONE AND DONE! I SURVIVED THE ASHRAM!!!
When I first considered what I was going to write about my last three weeks, I considered taking a slightly romanticized approach that would be inspiring and would motivate people to want to jump on their mats to twist and bend as soon as possible. But then I thought... where's the fun in that??? I'm sure that you can only imagine how being surrounded by the same 30 people for a month, eating the same food and attending endless lectures given 'mostly' by people who claimed to be speaking English but of which I still remain highly doubtful can do to a person. In short... it was fu*%ing HARD! After one week of formalities and manners and smiles and hugs, people's armour slowly chiseled away to reveal, god forbid, the real human beings that lay underneath, allowing their true colors to finally shine through them. The greatest example of this came in the fruit bowls, (and no I'm not speaking of my fellow homo yogis), but of bowls of fruit set in the centre of tables at breakfast that in the first week seemed to be equally shared by all, even going so far as to see people sacrificing their one banana to another unfortunate soul who didn't get there in time, to the second week when people starting hoarding it like it just might be the last fruit they ever ate. God forbid someone should show up for breakfast late and find empty bowls on the table but plates full of pits and cores and peels. It got so bad we had to be spoken to about it more than once, until eventually fruit distribution became monitored by some of the Ashram vollunteers making it feel slightly like we were children at summer camp and not grown adults in an Ashram learning to be peaceful and compassionate yogis. Slowly you would find that people's conversations drifted from the typical friendly getting to know you vibe, to bitching about fellow classmates, complaining of everything from people sounding too pretentious in class, to farting all night in their rooms (okay maybe that was my complaint on one of my not so yogic days.) Add to this that more than half the students became sick with intense vomiting and diarreah resulting in the Ashram chlorinating our water to the point that it felt like we were drinking from a swimming pool, sporadic power and plumbing failure (oh how the diarreah victims loved that one!) and FIVE, yes FIVE king cobras being caught IN and around the ashram, and you've got one of the biggest yogic challenges i've ever endured. It got to be so much that a group of us even checked into a beautiful 5 star hotel (which we cleverly penned, 'Taj Yoga', named after the incredible Taj Mahal hotel in Nashik) on our day off to lie by the pool, eat real western food, and recharge ourselves before going back for another two weeks. I seem to vaguely recall having my fingers pried away from the beautiful hotel beds that I didn't even get to sleep in whilst screaming, 'FUCK YOGA!! NO MORE YOGA!! YOU CAN'T TAKE ME BACK THERE!!!! I'LL NEVER GO BACK!!! (okay maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration but I thought I would take a break from my typical modestly and throw a little bit of drama in.. you know... just to try somthing new :)
But in the end, like any challenge we are faced with, I came through it and away from it a bigger and better human being than I went in there as. I quickly realized the futility of bitching and complaining and dare I say, 'whining', and slowly surrendered to the flow of a world my spoiled western mind isn't used to. And once that happened, and my ego had nowhere else to run, I found a presense in my body and mind that brought with it a joy and gratefulness for all that I have, and led me far far away from the fixation I had on all that I don't. And isn't this one of the greatest gifts that yoga can bring? Staying within the confines of my mat, the confines of this day, of this moment, of this breath. Bending and stretching so that I can stay young and flexible not only in my body, but in my spirit and my mind. I will never forget some of the beautiful people who helped me through some of my most trying moments as I continue to grieve the loss of my brother while being so far away from my family, the yoga classes that have given me a lifeline that I can follow as I try to navigate through this crazy and chaotic life, and for the spirituality that lies within all of us, waiting to be discovered so we can all safely find our way back home. More than anything I'm now certified to come home and share this beautiful gift with as many people as I can, doing my part to slowly change our world and make it a better place.
Now I'm in Goa staying in a little beach hut in a hippy village that runs along the coast of miles and miles of beautiful beach with endless water stretching out before me where I will settle for a couple weeks and try to get some writing done before continuing on this wonderful and challenging journey through India and through the rest of my beautiful little life.

Hari Om.
I miss you all like crazy,

Matthew

Hari Om :)

Well my first week at the Asram is finally over and I have to say that I'm thrilled to have a day off. My schedule here is pretty intense and I'd be lying if I said I haven't cried or thought about running for the hills at least a couple times (and when I say hills I really mean massive rock formations that shoot into the sky in some of the most unique and beautiful shapes I've ever seen along the horizon) BUT... I'm still here. And I think I'm finally starting to get into the groove of things (god PLEASE tell me that I'm finally starting to get into the groove of things!) We're woken up every morning at 5am to the sound of a loud GONG that rings throughout the darkness and shakes us all from our sleep on small beds in a small room that sleeps four. Tea, half an hour of chanting, 2 hours of yoga, and an hour of volunteer work (karma yoga) all before 9am. Then breakfast, a 2 hour lecture, and a couple hours "study" time before another lecture and 2 more hours of yoga. Then more chanting to promote health for ourselves, our friends and family, dinner, another short lecture and bed. And thennnn.... GONG! Here we go again.
I struggled through the first couple of days, wondering if I made the right choice in leaving behind all the comfort that I know back home to come to this strange place all by myself and whether I really have what it takes to go home and teach yoga. But slowly, the more I learn, the more I start to remember why I love this ancient science so much and why it is I decided I wanted to help spread it to more people in the first place. The yoga over here is so different from anything we have in the west, and I really want to work to help people see why doing it in the traditional Indian style is really what it's all about. I can't wait to do my part to change the world one asana at a time, helping people to dive inside and discover all the bliss and happiness they can find inside of themselves. I've met some incredible people here who have made dealing with the loneliness and fears and challenges so much easier for me, including a wonderful British Psychologist (who refuses to give me a session!! lol) named Deborah, a beautiful mother from BC, and a gay dancer from Toronto. (yes there actually about 5 Canadians here doing the teacher's training!) We've all laughed together, sweat together, and cried together and I know by the end of the month it's going to be hard to leave them all behind, but I know like everything else, that our world is impermanent and our greatest lesson is to learn to gracefully leave behind what we know and set out on new and exciting adventures. Part of me is scared that tomorrow another week will start and will be even more challenging than the last, but after one week of intense self reflection, meditation and yoga I feel more grounded and ready than ever to take on whatever this crazy country can throw at me. I miss you all like crazy and can't wait to share all that I've learned over here so we can all live better, healthier lives for as long as this world will have us for.
Until next week... Namaste... Hari Om... Peace, Love and Light.

Matthew

The beginning...

After a quick but wonderful 24 layover in London, where I dragged my tired ass to the theater to see one of the greatest musicals ever,'Les Miserables', (how's that for a hardcore theater junkie!!) I boarded a plane headed for crazy Mumbai. At first I thought I was supposed to arrive at noon on New Years Eve, but after re-checking my ticket, I discovered I was actually going to be landing at midnight. Alone. In India. Terrifying. But, determined to face my fears head on, I grabbed my bag from off the belt, took a deep breath, and hopped into a taxi headed for the main tourist hub of the city, Colaba. It was dark outside so it was hard to see much of anything going on around me, and by the time we pulled onto the nearly deserted street it was almost 3am, and I was more than a little afraid to say the least. I quickly ran into the first guesthouse I saw, got a room, and dropped into bed with a proud smile and a congratulatory sigh at having made it through the first, and hopefully scariest part of my journey. (yeah right) I have arrived :-)
I could only sleep for four hours that first night as I was obviously way too excited to explore this city that I've spent so much time reading and dreaming about for the last few years of my life. I asked the guest house owner to tell me where I could get some good breakfast and he pointed me to the world famous 'Leopold's Cafe' which just happened to be right next door to my hostel. Now for any of you unfortunate people who haven't read the incredible novel, 'Shantaram', you won't understand the significance of this, but the cafe is written about throughout the entire book so it seemed like fate that I just happened to be staying next door. After all, 'Shantaram' was the one and only reason I decided I wanted to come to Mumbai in the first place. So if you haven't read it, get on it so you can share in the sheer excitement that I felt to go and order breakfast from the notorious cafe. Now because I was up so early, the street was nearly empty still and I was wondering just where all the crazy things I had heard about Colaba would take place, but by 2 in the afternoon it became apparent that I was staying directly in the center of it all. Thousands of people crowd the streets from afternoon until night as shops and stands open their doors and do anything they can to make a sale; hounding you, grabbing you, and screaming for you as you push your way through the crowd. My favorite is what is called a 'balloon-walla', a man who sells bigger balloons then you've ever seen before. Every time they ask if I want one (About 30 times a day) I have to laugh as I ask again and again, 'what would I want with a giant balloon?!?!) I've spent the last few days exploring the city, taking cab rides through the crazy and intense streets to see everything Mumbai has to offer. And trust me when I say crazy... as it doesn't seem like there is any order to the chaos that ensues when riding in a car here... swerving in and out of lanes, running red lights and piercingly loud horns blaring in your ears constantly. It's an interesting if not terrifying experience to say the least.
Yesterday I decided to escape the city and take a ferry over to 'Elephant Island', where ancient Hindu caves with massive carvings of Shiva and other gods burst from the walls. I met a French couple on the island who I ended up spending the day with, and it was nice to be away from all the loud bustle of the city and out in peaceful nature for a while. That being said, when our ferry brought us back to the crowded harbor, I knew that I was ready to leave the city. The thousands upon thousands of people that became bigger and bigger in my eyes as we got closer to land made my breath catch in my throat and my heart start to race. Yes... it is time to leave. And in just about perfect timing too! Today I will get on a bus headed on a two hour drive to Nasik, where I will spend the next month living and breathing yoga yoga and more yoga in a secluded ashram in the countryside. I can't wait :-) And if there happened to be any part of me that wasn't sure I was ready to move on from this place, seeing a young boy fall to the ground screaming in pain as his foot was run over by a taxi only an hour ago helped cure me of any of those doubts. It was horrible. It is time.
But before I go to catch my bus, I have just one more thing to say. Although I had my doubts about coming on this trip alone, I soon discovered that I'm not really alone here at all and I haven't had more than a single moment of loneliness. At first I wondered why it was I felt like this until I reached around my neck and felt my brothers ring that hangs on a chain there. In that instant, I knew almost more than I've known anything before in my life, that my brother Jesse is here with me, protecting me and guiding me along this journey so that he can bring me back safe to my family. It is truly one of the most bizarre feelings I've ever had, but I swear I can feel him beside me at all times, and any time I think of him all the hairs on my entire body stand up and chills run down my whole spine. It's crazy to think, but in some ways I've felt closer to him on this trip so far than I did in our life together. I feel that he is happy. I feel that he is peaceful. And I feel that he is thrilled that we get to go on this trip together. I love you brother :-)
I hope you are all doing well and trying your best not to miss me TOO much, haha.
Peace and Love...
Namaste...

Matthew